Friday Night Poker
I made it home sober. With shoes.
Yeah, it was that boring.
I had two slices of pizza, one Cosmo, a canoli, lost US$16, and was back home and in bed before midnight.
Sweet beybey jesu, Bingo night at St. MaryTheresaHolyNamewhatever would have been more exciting.
The most interesting conversation of the night? What television shows we like. And even that moronic topic tappered off into nothingness after a minute or two.
We're skipping December.
No one will either notice or care.
For the rest of the weekend I just unplugged. I got laundry and the dreaded grocery shopping done and then read for the rest of Saturday (Queen Emma And The Vikings: A History of Power, Love, And Greed In Eleventh-Century England and The Most Famous Man in America: The Biography of Henry Ward Beecher, if you are curious). On Sunday I crocheted while listening to "American Experience" on PBS - about the Kennedy family. Like I needed to learn anything else about the most dysfunctional family in the United States.
I remembered the Leonid showers driving into work this morning.
Maybe I shouldn't bitch about how boring poker was considering just how mindblowingly boring the rest of my life is.
I ignored the talking heads because they just make me want to kill them all slowly and painfully with long pointy sticks and rabid screaching wombats.
I ignored the rest of broadcast/cable televsion because, seriously? there is nothing on.
So it wasn't until today I saw TomKat had gotten hitched.
'Never-ending kiss' caps TomKat wedding.
I'm still hurling.
Issues:
1) Katie... dear... HE IS A FUCKING FREAK! Hello, Scientology? Haven't you had enough clues NOT TO MARRY THIS GUY?
After exchanging vows before a Scientology minister Saturday, Cruise and Holmes engaged in a "never-ending kiss," according to Giorgio Armani, who attended the wedding outside Rome and designed the outfits of the bride, the groom and their baby, Suri.
2 years. Tops.
2) Women who have BRED, given BIRTH!, should not wear white to their goddamn wedding.
EVER!
It should be so freakin' obvious that you wouldn't need a law... but...
New Law: No woman gets to wear white unless she can PROVE she is a VIRGIN!
Having the child you gave birth to attend said wedding is another clue you shouldn't be WEARING WHITE!
Look, the conservative whack jobs in this country want to codify what marriage is, who can and cannot get married - I say fine, bring it on! Let's start at the beginning, shall we? If you are too stupid not to know that wearing white means you are a VIRGIN... maybe you shouldn't be allowed to get married at all.
AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!
I hate weddings.
Everything comes before the whole reason to get married.
3) The only thing worth two months salary... DeBeer's stupid commercial which flashes a gignormous rock on the screen with the above voice over.
The only thing worth two months salary is a DOWN PAYMENT ON A HOUSE!
4) Wedding dresses starting at US$1,000. There isn't US$100 worth of material in the damn things, which you will only wear once regardless of how many times you get married (and yeah, each time the dumb dodo's will wear white). I could almost understand if you wore the damn dress several times, but once? A grand and a whole lot more on a dress you will never, ever wear again?
5) The never-ending angst over the band, the food, the colors (and what the fuck is this about? The bride has to pick her colors? Is it a wedding or a fucking joust?), who sits where, limos, first dance, alcohol... and on and on and on. I've been a bridesmaid twice, maid of honor once. That those three women are still alive is a fuckin' miracle. I deserve to be Sainted because I am responsible for THREE MIRACLES!
By the way, the longest any of those three marriges lasted? 3 years. Uh huh. All three of them put their parents into hock (their parents own stupid fault). All three got engagement rocks the size of Gibralter because the first one (or, in once case, THREE) selected rings weren't good enough for their highnesses - all three of which got pawned before the ink was dry on the divorce papers. One of these first-class broads even got alimony for reasons I will never, ever, understand except that the groom was such a fucking moron I didn't even feel bad for him.
Thankfully, none of these people spawned before or after the intial wedding. They have all since remarried (wearing white), spawned, divorced, spawned, remarried (yup, in white), spawned some more. One of them has been married five times in the last twenty years. Wore white each time.
I've got at least ten pages of ranting about brides maid/maid of honor dresses that has all been written before. But what is with this new trend of the Mother of the Bride dressing up like she's the one getting married?
Don't even get me started on the goddamn tiaras.
And why, in this day and age, do we still have Bridal Showers? Just so we can buy sleazy underwear that we would never be caught dead in to give to someone else who will probably never wear it? This makes sense?
sigh
Every single wedding I have ever been a part of - family, guest, attendant - the same thing is said at the rehearsal ever single time:
Let's see... it's T -12 and counting to the ceremony and now you assholes are thinking of this? Shouldn't you two have been thinking about what marriage means before the rehearsal?
But if you have two vaginas or two penises... well that's just wrong! Wrong I say! The Bible says... something about that! Wrong, wrong, wrong and you're going to Hell.
Yeah, whatever.
Marriage, naturally, leads to divorce:
The McCartney meltdown has lessons for all marriages
No-fault divorce will never happen, though, until society gets over its undue veneration of marriage. Commercialised at the entry stage (all those gift-wrapped electric woks) and at the exit (all those lawyers' fees), it is invested with fake dreams. While many marriages are long and happy, some are little more than a charade in which the irreligious make promises they will not keep to someone else's god. Even those who marry in civil ceremonies are bound by the same legal strictures.
In France, where the 'pacte civil de solidarité' gives tax and immigration breaks to heterosexual and same-sex couples alike, marriage is plummeting. The option of civil partnerships allowing for simple, non-adversarial dissolution must be better for men, women and children than a system that offers nothing between the insecurity of informal bonds and a contract still prone to end in feuding.
I knew I loved France for a reason.
Update:
Saw this headline on top of google news:
TomKat wedding 'a stunt':
The cynics among us may not be surprised, but there are reports this morning the "wedding of the year" was a stunt.
Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes have admitted they were actually married four days before their Rome extravaganza, staging a big show to promote the Church of Scientology.
It's been reported a Scientologist advisor was placed at every table at the reception to answer questions.
Roman clergy say the sham is insulting and Bracciano's mayor is considering taking back the honorary citizenship she offered after the couple refused to wave to well-wishers.
I'm all for TomKat being the next Secretary of State. All in favor, say Aye!
How's about just Ambassador to Italy?
